Motherhood

Motherhood
Motherhood & Family Life

Family Travel

Family Travel
Days Out & Travel

Home Interiors

Home Interiors
Home Interiors

Feeling Guilty, No Matter What


No matter what I do, or what I tell myself, I feel guilty every single day. Literally, every, single, day. 

I don't think there's anything that can prepare you for Mummy guilt and the more children you have, the worse it gets - or that's how it feels to me anyway.

I feel guilty for the most ridiculous things and writing it down makes it sound even more silly, but honestly I can feel guilty for doing absolutely anything if I feel like the balance is even a little out. And of course the balance between Ethan, Logan, Adam, work, the house, myself is always out - you can give you're absolute all and split yourself in as many ways as you can before you break and it'll still never feel like enough.


Having children of the ages I do, eight months and nearly three years, is a killer when it comes to mummy guilt. Just this morning I promised Ethan I'd help him colour in his Peppa Pig colouring book once I'd finished cleaning Logan's bottles. I knew Logan probably wanted to be picked up, but Ethan wanted me too. 

Ethan wanted to sit on my lap and have me hold the pen with him, so we all sat up at the table, Logan in his chair with some toys and Ethan on my lap. We managed about five minutes of colouring before Logan had had enough and then needed a nappy change. As we all headed upstairs, I did my best to explain to Ethan that Logan needed to be changed so we had had to stop. After a nappy change Logan was having a bit of a cry, I wondered if he was tired so I tried to settle him in his bed. Ethan played in his room for a bit, but then wandered into our study to see his Daddy - he wanted to play Lego with him (Adam runs a Lego business from home), but Daddy had to work. Adam gave Ethan Lego to play with whilst he worked around him, but he was in a rush - he had his other job to go, which he wouldn't be home from until gone 9pm. Logan was tired but was fighting his sleep, he took around half an hour to finally settle. By this time, I knew this was my only opportunity to get dressed before Adam left for work, so I got myself dressed. But the entire time all I could think about what has guilty I felt that I couldn't just fit in a bit of colouring with Ethan. 

I do my best to make time for each of my boys and for Adam and our relationship. I do my best to keep on top of the house and prioritise jobs thats need doing and ones that can wait. (I'm getting scared to open our wardrobes in our bedroom because I've kind of just been throwing things in them!). I do my best to keep up with my blog, the personal side of it and the side that is my income. I know I'm trying my best, but still I beat myself up with guilt every day. 

Adam reminded me this morning that we'll get through this stage, the stage where both of the boys want something different from us at the exact same time. We'll get through the stage of things being so manic during the day that we're having to stay up working until midnight, not really getting to see much of each other. It will pass and when it does, we'll look back and be proud that we did manage it, that we did juggle so well and we'll reap the reward of seeing both of our boys playing together - doing things as brothers. 

Mummy guilt is something I'm desperate to get a hold on - sometimes I manage it and others day I crumble and let it consume me. I don't think I'm alone in how I feel either. I think a lot of us parents put too many pressures on ourselves, expect that we can achieve much more in a day than we really can. I think the key is to remember that when our children are big and grown, it's likely that they'll only remember that even if they couldn't have us as much as they would have liked, they knew we were always trying our best by them and doing everything we do, with them and our family in mind. 

Do you suffer with Mummy-guilt too? How do you manage it? 


Follow Me:

10 comments

  1. To be honest, I think you just have to let it go. Each day is such a small timeframe in their lives and those moments that bring you guilty feelings are moments that the kids won't remember or even care about. They'll remember all the times you could play with them, the cuddles you gave and the smile you had on your face when you went in to get them in the morning. Get over the guilt and appreciate the things you can do, stop focusing on those you can't. This too shall pass x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so right Donna. I really do try and focus on the things I've actually done during the day rather than what I've not done, generally. I think this is the best way of tackling mum guilt. But it always seems to creep up on me somehow! It's about pushing it out again and re-focusing like you say I think. x

      Delete
  2. I think the thing with being a parent, is like you say, the guilt never stops... it just kind of moves around. You feel guilty about what has to give one day, and the next day something else gives instead and we feel bad about that. On any one day I know that I will have neglected something, but I figure that as long as I've evened it out over the week that I'm doing okay. I also think that there are different phases with parenthood, and what seems hard now will seem easier in a month or so, not because it actually is any different, but because we get used to things, and because some other new challenge will present itself.
    However you may feel, you ARE doing a good job Alex. And that shows in how bad you are feeling, but also in how happy your little boys are. They know they are loved, even if you can't always do colouring because other things get in the way. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for this Lucy. I really appreciate your comment. You're so right about guilt moving around. But you're also so right to look at it in the sense that things are OK as long as long as the balance is evened out over the week - great advice, thank you. x

      Delete
  3. I think it's something most mum's have and you have to find a way to deal with it that works for you. There are always going to be times when one of your boys will need you more than the other, whether that is helping them with colouring, a trip to the toilet or a cuddle and each time you have to decide which can wait and which has to be done now. The age gap between my girls is the similar to your boys, but I am ahead of you, with Holly 18 months and Alice 3 1/2 and what does get easier is that Alice now understands a lot more. She understands what it means to wait her turn and that whole phase of needing something right now has passed. If I just let her know when I will do something with her, like colouring, she is ok with that. Now she doesn't nap, we have 2 hours together while Holly is napping and I do these things with her then and she gets that. Just remind yourself when you give them a hug each night, that they love you, you are their world and they will have already forgotten about, whatever it is that you are feeling guilty about that day. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw thank you so much for taking the time to leave me this comment. It means a lot to hear it from someone else perspective. You're so right! x

      Delete
  4. Great post, I nodded along to this, it is definitely the one thing I think we all have but that I wish someone would have told me - even if I didn't really get it! I can't help but feel it every day, especially like you say with more than 1 child. We all have to let things go every day and hope that our children remember all the times where we were there. It sounds like you're doing a great job and although the guilt never goes, I try to embrace the little wins xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I think it is about embracing the little wins - trying to focus on those rather than what we can't get around to! It's a hard one, some days I feel I handle it, other days I let it get to me more. x

      Delete
  5. It does get easier! I have 3 (now 10, 7 & 4) and it is easier to do things they all like together like swimming, going to the park etc, but they also know how to compromise and take turns for my attention. Having siblings is a great life lesson- you can't have it all your own way! Try to look at it from that point of view and not beat yourself up about not being able to split yourself in two. Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, that's very true! I guess it'll take a little more time for me to get used to not beating myself up about not being able too split myself. I'm working on it, some days are better than others. x

      Delete

Powered by Blogger.