I did it! I got through day one.

Today was my first day back at work after having just over a year off and my gosh it was a day that I had dreaded since before I had even had Ethan - it's the day that most mothers dread.

But if I'm honest, it wasn't so bad. 

I mean yeah I cried like an absolute baby when we dropped Ethan off at his Grandmas last night, I cried... and cried... and cried.. until I fell asleep in fact.

But when I woke this morning I felt strong, I felt strong for me, for Ethan, for my Husband, for our future. 

The day had come, it was happening.. regardless of anything. It was time to get up, dust off my uniform and find my inner strength and that's exactly what I did. 

And well... it was just fine.. In fact I enjoyed the break, I came home feeling recharged and refreshed. I didn't care about the dirty litter that the cats had spread all across the floor I didn't mind making a huge mess at dinner. I was back with my family, the only thing that actually matters. Being away from the house was good for me, I stopped obsessing about it. I realised I'm not the only one responsible for everything. I realised that the house and Ethan are not just my responsibility, that my fear of feeling not in control is actually silly and unhealthy, being not in control is sometimes a good thing. It allows us to recharge and let someone else take charge for once. We are of course, only human.

Back together again, after work. His smile was the biggest its ever been when he saw me. 
Wearing uniform for the first time in a loooongg time this morning! 
I am so lucky in the days I've been given to work and the work I do. Working Mondays and Fridays really does split the days up and makes it probably a hell of a lot easier to deal with emotionally. As Mums we all have our own personal reasons as to why we go back or we don't. Personally, I feel it's for the best for us, it means that Ethan (and I) will learn to be around other people and feel content. I want him to grow up social and not clingy (I am a clingy person and it hasn't really ever done me any favours) and I feel this is the best thing I can do to encourage that. I also feel that he will deeply benefit from getting a break from being at home with me, he seems to really enjoy being at his Grandmas and there's lots to explore and many new toys to play with. I strongly believe that there can be many benefits to returning to work after having a baby for everyone involved :)

What do you think? What have you got planned? Will you/have you returned to work?
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