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Pregnancy.. The Second Time Around

I feel so lucky to be sitting here with a happy, healthy little boy and to be 36 weeks pregnant with my second little boy. Words fail me when I comes to describing just how grateful I feel for everything I have. But feeling thankful is one thing and feeling absolutely exhausted is another. And during this pregnancy - I've experienced a lot of both of these things.

My second pregnancy, whilst it sees to have flown past, has felt quite more challenging than my first. I sometimes wonder if perhaps it's just that I'd forgotten how tired I felt whilst pregnant with Ethan.. perhaps I was just as exhausted, but maybe it's like the say it is with giving birth.. you soon forget the negatives because once they've passed they've passed and you're left with the most precious thing you could ever imagine. Who knows - all I know is that I've spent a lot of this pregnancy surrounded by a literal mist of exhaustion. 

I've relied on my Husband so much more these last few months - day in and day out he's been my hero, yet I've felt my fair share of guilt because of that. I often find myself getting frustrated at myself for relying on him so much. I've wondered many a time how women who don't have their partners at home as much as I do are able to do it and then that makes me feel even more frustrated at myself and of course, that sets off the Mummy-guilt - where I question if I'm a good enough Mum because I haven't sat on the floor and played with my toddler as much as I could have lately and because I stopped, at 31 weeks pregnant, being the one to take Ethan swimming or to the park or to playgroup. But then I'll suddenly stop myself in my tracks and as I climb my way back up the spiral of guilty thoughts I'm having, I'll remind myself, for the 1000th time, how utterly ridiculous I'm being. I gently but firmly remind myself that I'm pregnant - growing another human being inside of me, a human being that I will be giving birth to in a few weeks time and that having no energy is part and parcel of the great big big task that I'm asking my body to do. 

It's now less than a week until baby's due date and despite the on-off tiredness, I'll really miss being pregnant. Personally, I find pregnancy quite like parenting in that it can be ridiculously tough but at the same time utterly incredible. Not knowing if this will be my last pregnancy sort of makes me want to hold on to and cherish every little moment that much more (though, perhaps not the feeling zombie-like part). I know that when it comes to looking back on now and the next few weeks, it's highly likely that it'll all just feel like one big blur, which is exactly what it feels like when I think back to having Ethan. And so because of that, I'm consistently reminding myself not to wish away these last few weeks and to make sure that I find time to really stop and enjoy them. 

Pregnancy, albeit tough sometimes, is a blessing. I'll never stop feeling impressed by the sheer magic our bodies can do and the utterly amazing way they can produce the most special and precious little people. Everyday I spend hours imagining what baby will look like, what sort of personality he'll go on to have and what it will be like to be a family of four. My heart is so full of happiness and joy at the thought of these things and I've honestly never felt happier in my entire life. Since having Ethan, I've realised what my life is really all about - it's about family and happiness, it's about creating memories and sharing laughter. It's about enjoying the ups and learning from the downs. It's about raising my children the best way I possibly can and it's about feeling proud of every little thing they do and will go on to do.

And when you think about the hard times you go through during pregnancy and then you think about that - then it all the tiredness, aches, pains and whatever else start to feel rather insignificant - don't you think?!


 



12 comments

  1. It's just such a huge mixture of emotion and energy isn't it? This pregnancy has been so different for me second time around and I think it may partly be because I expected the first one all over again. I wished away the first one because I was so excited and desperate to feel the baby developing and this time I've been wanting time to stand still :) I wish you all the best in these last few weeks and hope your energy levels stay high xx

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  2. I forget how hard it is every time. Boo is 4 so I did get away with sneaky cat naps while ben and holly was on.
    In a way it's a good transition that you've stopped getting on the floor and taking him places now as that was a big shock for boo when G was born.
    You look amazing and I'm afraid guilt is in the job description whatever we do. I can't wait to hear all about little mr's arrival. Wishing you lots of love and luck eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk xxxxx

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  3. You look absolutely glowing! I can't believe you're almost at the due date already and I can't wait to hear the news of your little man's birth! I found pregnancy quite tough both physically and emotionally but you're right because now I miss it and would love to be pregnant again. I think it's such a magical time, and it is truly astonishing what our bodies are capable of! Good luck with everything, sending you lots of love!!! xxx

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  4. What a gorgeous photo of you Alex, you look stunning. And is is such a beautifully written post- your words really resonated with me as I felt the same when I was expecting Freddie- just sheer exhaustion the whole time. I hope you can relax and out your feet up over these last two weeks or so, Adam sounds wonderful! Good luck with everything, can't wait to see your new little arrival! Xxx

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  5. I'm right there with you. Today has been tough, we're experiencing the Threenager faze and boy is it tough when pregnant as well! My patience is literally at zero!! Not long for you now, can't wait to see you guys as a family of four! X

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  6. Hi Alex, first of all, how beautiful do you look in that picture!! I think pregnancy really suits you and of all the bump pictures I've seen of you, I have to say you are looking amazing! After reading this post, I must admit, this is something that worries me about getting pregnant next time. I often find myself wondering how I will cope with the exhaustion / nausea that pregnancy brings, whilst having a toddler in tow. At least last time, I could do as much or as little as I liked, which I won't have that luxury this time with having Alfie.... I feel so excited for you to have your little boy as I've followed this whole pregnancy and your blog since Ethan was quite young. I wish you the best with everything and I hope you get to meet your little man soon. xxx

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  7. You look absolutely stunning in that pic Alex. Just beautiful and pregnancy really suits you. I remember feeling the exact range of emotions as you when I was pregnant the second time. At the very end, similar to the stage you are now I said to Mr E, 'How on earth am I going to manage with two children, I can't cope with one?' But Lucy (dear beautiful!) said to me actually it's a lot easier than the end of late pregnancy. And that was so true. I think pregnancy is just exhausting especially at the end, and I actually felt a million times better once LL was here, even after a c-section and having a newborn. You will be just fine, and hope you get to meet your little guy soon! I can't wait to hear your news. x

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  8. I miss pregnancy so much but I know what you mean, it is tiring and relentless too. I love having a newborn and I am amazed my body managed to grow three perfect humans, but I miss my bump

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  9. This is a beautiful post, one I think I could literally write word for word myself! you look amazing in that picture, and cannot wait to follow your journey as a family of 4 xx

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  10. It really is such a beautiful post you have written Alex. I can't wait to have another baby, it's something we are really trying for at the moment. I can imagine that being pregnant whilst looking after a toddler is hard going, especially because the first time round you can relax that bit more can't you? I am so excited to meet your little boy, and see how Ethan is being a big brother. It's great to read your posts because it gets me all excited for our future. I don't particularly miss pregnancy, but I miss my bump if that makes sense. The whole thing is definitely worth it. :)

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  11. It's so exciting to think he'll be here so soon. I too found my second pregnancy absolutely flew by, and that it was harder than the first... but the third one is proving to be a whole new ballgame altogether; faster still, and definitely a lot harder in that first trimester.
    You look absolutely glowing Alex, and I know what you mean about however hard it might be at the end, a part of you misses being pregnant. It's such a special time. x

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