It's not okay to be unkind

I've never remotely understood the need for unkindness. Why is there a need for it? What does it achieve? Does it benefit anyone? Do unkind people actually sleep happily at night? Does being unkind actually make them feel better about themselves?

I've seen a fair few things lately that have been unkind, mostly here on the internet where it seems that some people (luckily only a minority) feel it's possibly more okay/acceptable to be rude, ignorant, nasty and unkind. And of course it is only some, my experience in the last five years of sharing myself online has mostly thankfully been quite positive. The Internet as a whole and specifically the online parenting community has definitely made me feel less alone on the tougher days. And I'll speak more about that in a video I have planned for my channel this week where I will share some of the amazing things that blogging our lives has done for me and for us. But before that, I really do feel like I need to get something off of my chest...

It's not okay to be unkind.

kindness, be kind always, elle darby, how to be happier,

It's a given, right? Or so I thought. But over the last few weeks, I've noticed an increase in both bloggers and vloggers receiving unkind, unnecessary messages and comments across all different platforms. There was, of course, the disgraceful way that Elle Darby was and is still very publicly being treated by some after she sent what was a polite email to a hotel enquiring about the possibility of a complimentary press stay in return for mentions of the hotel across her well-established online social media platforms. I won't go into it too much here as it's more than apparent that the hotel owner clearly has some sort of grudge against bloggers (as well as vegans and breastfeeding mothers apparently too) and that he's totally victimised her for his own gain and exposure. But the whole thing was totally cruel, unkind and just plain nasty.

And since then I've read some pretty harsh (and inaccurate) comments being flung around about bloggers where it's been clear that for some reason some people are struggling to accept the fact that blogging and vlogging is a 'real' job. Which to me is crazy being that I've done this now for five years and I've beebn able to make more of an income through what I do now with my blog and youtube channel than I ever was able to in previous jobs (of course I do work more crazy hours than I've ever done before too).  It's pretty obvious that some people still just don't understand blogging as a job, or perhaps it's more that they don't quite want to accept that it is for some. That, or of course it stems from jealousy - which sadly, is where so much unkindness seems to come from isn't it? What is it that stops some people being able to be happy for others? Why can't we all just live and let live?

This week I had somebody online who has never actually met me or my family, tell me that my children seemed wild simply because they had puzzles, books and games out in their bedrooms. WILD?!? For playing with their toys? She went on to ask if my boys are not taught to put things away before they get other things out and also suggested that for their rooms to get messy I must leave them by themselves for long periods of time and also dump them in front of the TV...

And the crazy thing is that this woman watched just six minutes of our lives and decided that it was okay to assume and to judge and to be just generally unkind, calling my two young children 'wild' for simply having their own things out in their bedrooms? I almost replied saying that instead of focusing on teaching my children to worry about how many toys they have out, I teach them to be kind and caring human beings who if they don't have anything nice to say should say nothing at all. But of course, I didn't because I'm wise enough to know that there are some people who just can't be reasoned with.

During my time as a blogger, I've been made aware of a fair few messages sent to fellow bloggers/vloggers that have been full of nothing but hatefulness and rudeness. I've also on occasion read messages from people apologising for their behaviour a few hours later citing excuses such as they were 'having a bad day' or that they're going 'through things at home'. Almost like that makes it okay to sit and type out a hateful and unkind message to someone that they've never before even met and take it out on them? It's not okay. Yes, bloggers may put themselves and their lives online, but that doesn't give other people an automatic right to send abusive/hateful/unkind messages to them.

We all go through things, we all have bad days and a lot of us have things that are going on in the background that we might be struggling with. But kindness is a gift that everyone can give and here's the thing.. kindness is FREE. And what's more is that we ourselves actually rise by lifting up others - ever notice how amazing you feel after you do something nice for someone else?

I know that the majority of people reading this have kind hearts - I am so touched and so grateful for every single time one of my readers or viewers has ever reached out to me to offer friendly support and to show kindness. But if you're reading this and you're guily of being unkind online, then please understand that unkindness isn't the same as having an opinion. And please remember that sitting behind behind a computer screen saying horrible things isn't any less than saying it to somebody's face. Please don't waste precious time and energy on being cruel.. rather spend that time and energy buying a homeless person a hot drink, volunteer at an animal shelter, smile at somebody you pass on the way to work/school/wherever, give someone else a compliment, or simply work on making yourself feel better with a bit of self-kindness.

Whatever it is, I think we all could just benefit from remembering a little more that we should treat people the same way that we like to be treated ourselves, as well as remembering that it's not (and it never is) okay to be unkind.

Thank you for reading. 
  Alex xo 


  1. Ah you are the loveliest person and do not deserve that at all. I cannot stand unkindness and have had my fill of unking people and children lately, enough to last me a lifetime. It costs nothing to be kind and feels good. It cant feel good to be mean? How can it unless you are a desperately unhappy person x

  2. Good post. :) I agree, kindness is so important. It sticks out in my mind when someone has been kind to me and makes me feel better to think of it. I've never understood why people have to write unkind things online. I don't agree with everything I see/read but you can disagree with something politely rather than being rude. And there's a difference between that and being deliberately nasty.