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Just trying my best..

I feel like as a Mum I go through phases, sometimes I feel I've 'got' Motherhood and other times I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. 

There are times when I feel totally overwhelmed and times when no matter how hard I try, how fast and efficient I try and be, I just don't have enough pairs of hands for everything.

On those days I feel like I could manage with just one of my boys, but sometimes having both can leave me lost. I have one pair of hands, who do they go to when both of my boys each want something different? Who do I let down? Because at their ages, no matter how much I try to explain or show them, they don't understand that I can't always split myself in to two. That I can't, no matter how much I may want to, sit down and play all day. 



Far too often I feel guilty. I'm guilty because I am putting the washing away, rather than holding Logan. I'm guilty because I'm cooking dinner whilst Ethan's tugging at my leg wanting me to play with him. I'm even guilty for cleaning the mould off of the window whilst Logan's wanted me to pick him up. I'm guilty of it all. And I hate this feeling. 

It's silly and emotional I know. Life doesn't work in a way that we can give our kids absolutely every moment of us. They need to learn that washing doesn't get done by a fairy and that Mummy has to be shared. But I still feel so guilty, because as I said above, at their age - they just don't quite yet understand that. It's a learning curve for them, one that no matter how I look at it, somehow always leave me feeling some sort of guilt. 

I think that as they get older, things will get easier. They'll both understand a bit more and when I'm not doing jobs or working and I do get to sit and play with them, then at least I won't have to split myself. We can all play together, because Logan will be at an age where he will be able to and they'll hopefully both enjoy the same sort of thing. 

But until then I know the guilt will always find a way to get to me. 

But I also know that I'm just trying my best.  


 


5 comments

  1. I think that's the learning curve of two children in a nutshell, and it's a learning curve for them and you. The fact is that with two children you just can't parent in the same way you did one because there aren't two of you - or three to get the laundry done too! It sounds like you're doing brilliantly- your best is awesome!!

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  2. Oh hunny I think that's the way of it when you have two close in age for a small period of time. As they get older they will be more independent and be great together to let you get on with more things yourself. It's tough and I had the same guilt feelings too. It's hard to do the things you used to to the degree you used to when you have two or more children. You sound like you are doing great and have the same feeling we all do at this stage with our kiddies. Love the photo too lovely so cute.

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  3. I am struggling with this at the moment too and i only have one baby to contend with. I must admit that housework is falling by the wayside and it is showing. I might need to admit defeat and get a cleaner in pre-christmas. :(

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  4. All you can do is your best. I have moments where I feel others could probably have done better but really I'm just me, doing the best I can and I move on. Try not to feel guilty lovely, just keep doing what you're doing x

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  5. Your first line had me in agreement. I too think I'm flying at times and then worry of getting it right. Currently one of my worries is how to introduce full fat cows milk to my daughter's diet - she's already been sick after having a cup of it!

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