When I started this blog, I was pregnant with you Ethan. I was weeks away from marrying your Dad when we found out we were expecting you. It was the beginning of a 'high' for me. Life was and has since been amazing. Of course, it's had it's ups and downs, but there's no denying that this is the most content I've ever felt.
I wanted to start documenting those feelings, I wanted to remember them. I've always appreciated the little things and have always been aware that life goes by far too fast and so that's how, what was my little online diary, began. I could have kept it private, but I didn't. Aware of the times and of others who were sharing their lives online, it felt natural to connect with like-minded people this way. It was a way of reaching out to other pregnant mums, of which I didn't know any offline. It was also a way to get advice and to share how proud I was of becoming a Mummy for the first time.
When you were born Ethan, I continued to share. I found and still find great comfort in talking to people from all over the world. People who I would have never have been able to speak to before, nice people who also have children your ages. I've made some good friends, people I speak to everyday. Sometimes I ask them for advice, sometimes they ask for mine.
When you have children, there's no manual, there are no rules. You tend to follow your own instincts, but there are times when you doubt yourself and during those times it's comforting to get a little advice from someone else, someone who's maybe in a similar situation to yourself.
I find it easier to make friends online. You have to become almost selfless when you become a parent, even more so when you have both a toddler and a newborn. So it's hard to make time for yourself. Gone are the days (at the moment) when I can just 'pop out'. So being able to come online when you're both napping or in the evenings when you're both asleep and being able to connect with others through blogging, is invaluable for me.
I love taking so many photos of our lives. I love remembering the sweet moments and all of our days out. Ethan, you love sitting and watching the videos I make and upload to YouTube, you sit there captivated with a smile on your face the entire time. Capturing our lives has become my hobby, taking photos, editing them so they're not too dark, taking video and editing that together, it's become something I love doing. I'd never had a hobby before this and now I do. I'm so proud of what I've built up for us to look back on. I've learnt some new skills along the way too, things I wouldn't have learnt without blogging and that makes me feel good about myself.
I want you both to remember your childhoods. I want you to see how loved you were and always will be. I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I don't think there's anything wrong with me feeling proud of my children and wanting to share that with others. It's never ever been about boasting. God, our lives are often manic, stressful and ridiculously overwhelming (you'll understand that when you become a parent one day). Blogging is just kind of like my scrapbook.
I've been lucky enough to have been given opportunities to make some money through this blog of ours and though that's never why I started or why I continue to write and share, it's not something I'd ever walk away from. Why would I? It means I can work from home, which means I get to see you both and your Dad so much more than I would if I went out to work full time, and that means so much to me and us a family unit.
I think the reason that I'm writing this is because I worry that one day you'll think I didn't protect your privacy enough. But I know that the only reason that you'll ever think that is because of other people and I want to raise you to not worry about pleasing 'the crowd'. I want to raise you to stand on your own two feet and know your self and worry only about the people that are happy for and support you. The people that try and drag you down, those that make fun of you, those that look for the negative aren't worth worrying about. Your Nana raised me to be true to who I was and to never follow the crowd. After all, it's far too easy to get lost in a crowd.
Wherever you go in life there will be those people. Those people that try to bring others down. You'll have to learn to brush them off - honestly, they're just sort of like particularly annoying fleas that you can't always get rid of straight away. But there are good people in life and you'll find them if you look for them, stay kind and always remember to stay true to yourself.
Maybe I should never have used your full names on my blog, maybe I'll make this blog private by the time you hit secondary school, or whenever you ask me to, if it's before then. I'll do whatever you ask me to. But please just know that this blog is written out of love. A love of a parent to her children. Not everyone will get that, but I hope you do. I hope that you one day feel proud of me and this blog and our videos and I hope that if any of those negative people do ever make fun off the fact that your Mum wrote and writes about you online, that you'll learn to brush them off. The ones that are really worth caring about will look at this blog and feel happy for you. They'll be happy to read about how much your parents loved you and how happy you were as a child. I share our lives with the world because I'm proud. I share because it makes me feel less lonely on the hard days. I share because I want to remember your childhood moments when you're grown up and probably no longer living at home. And I share because I want you to remember... I just hope that's okay.